Couples Counseling in DC

Couples Counseling

Do you have repetitive arguments?
Has there been cheating in your relationship?
Do you consistently feel distant from your partner?
Do you have pervasive feelings of anger, resentment or dissatisfaction?
Is there a lack of interest in affection or in a physical relationship with one another?

We all experience difficulties with our partners from time to time, but sometimes it seems like the problems are too big for us to handle.

At DC Talk Therapy, we want to help you get your relationship back on track.

Our couples therapist, Yvany Peery, LICSW, offers in-person and teletherapy sessions. Daytime and evening appointments are available.

Call us today at (202) 588-1288 or email us at info@dctalktherapy.com to schedule a free 15-minute couples counseling phone consultation.

Ms. Peery is trained in a specific type of couples therapy called the Gottman Method, a highly effective evidence-based approach.

Part of the Gottman Method’s popularity stems from its short-term and structured approach, and its focus on using specific strategies and interventions.

Developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, the Gottman Method, is grounded in extensive research on what makes relationships succeed or fail. In fact, after studying more than 40,000 couples over the past several decades, the Gottmans have predicted the odds of divorce with 94% accuracy.

Key Principles of the Gottman Method

Here are a few key Gottman concepts:

The Sound Relationship House Theory: This theory serves as the foundation for Gottman therapy. It outlines the essential elements of a healthy relationship, such as trust, commitment, shared meaning and emotional connection.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse: These are four communication styles that Gottman identified as predictors of divorce: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Couples learn to recognize and avoid these behaviors.
The Magic Ratio: Gottman found that stable couples have a ratio of positive to negative interactions of about 5:1. This means for every negative interaction, there should be five positive ones. Couples work on increasing positive interactions to strengthen their bond.

Get Started with a Free Consultation

Remember, every relationship is unique. We're here to support you wherever you are in your journey.

Call us today at (202) 588-1288 or email us at info@dctalktherapy.com to schedule a free 15-minute couples counseling consultation and start feeling better.

Call (202) 588-1288

Text (202) 588-1288

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1. The Sound Relationship House Theory

This theory involves creating a strong foundation for a relationship through several layers:

Build Love Maps: Knowing each other’s world, including their interests, dreams, and concerns. For example, can you name your partner’s favorite way to relax after a stressful day?
Share Fondness and Admiration: Regularly expressing appreciation and affection. Try saying, “I really admire how patient you are with the kids.” or “Thank you for always remembering to call when you’re running late.”
Turn Toward Each Other: Respond positively to your partner’s bids for connection, no matter how small. If your partner points out a beautiful sunset, engage with them rather than dismissing the moment.
The Positive Perspective: Maintaining a positive view of your partner and the relationship, even during conflict. This ‘positive sentiment override’ helps you view neutral or negative events in a more favorable light.
Manage Conflict: Learn to manage conflicts in a healthy manner and use repair attempts. For instance, saying “Can we take a break and come back to this?” can prevent escalation.
Make Life Dreams Come True: Support each other’s dreams and goals. This might involve discussing career changes, travel plans, or personal growth objectives, and finding ways to help each other achieve them.
Create Shared Meaning: Build a sense of purpose and meaning together. This could involve creating family traditions, discussing your values, or working towards common goals.

2. The Four Horsemen

The Gottman Method identifies four negative communication patterns that can predict relationship breakdowns, known as the Four Horsemen:

Criticism: Attacking a partner’s character or personality rather than addressing specific behaviors.
Contempt: Showing disrespect or disdain, often through sarcasm, name-calling, or mocking.
Defensiveness: Reacting to perceived attacks by denying responsibility or making excuses.
Stonewalling: Withdrawing from the conversation, often due to feeling overwhelmed or shutting down emotionally.

Counteract the Four Horsemen:

Replace criticism with gentle complaints.
Counter contempt with appreciation and respect.
Address defensiveness by taking responsibility and showing understanding.
Combat stonewalling with self-soothing and engaging in the conversation.

3. The Magic Ratio

For every negative interaction, there should be five positive ones. Here are a few suggestions for positive interactions:

Be Interested

When your partner complains about something, do you listen? Are you curious about why he or she is so mad? Displaying interest includes asking open-ended questions, as well as more subtle signals such as head nods and making eye contact that show how closely you are listening.

Express Affection

Do you hold hands with your partner, offer a romantic kiss, or embrace your partner when greeting them at the end of the day? Expressions of affection can happen in small ways both within and outside of conflict.

Within conflict, displays of physical and verbal affection reduce stress. If you’re having a difficult conversation and your partner takes your hand and says, “Gosh, this is hard to talk about. I really love you and I know we can figure this out together,” you’ll likely feel less tension and greater connection.

Demonstrate They Matter

Bringing up something important to your partner, even when you disagree, demonstrates that you are putting their interests on par with yours and shows your partner that you care about them. And how you treat each other outside of conflict influences how well you’ll handle your inevitable disagreements.

For example, if you know your partner is having a bad day and you stop to pick up dinner on the way home, you’re showing that he’s on your mind. Those small gestures accumulate over time and will provide a buffer of positivity in your marriage so that when you do enter a conflict, it will be easier to engage in positive interactions.

Find Opportunities for Agreement

When couples fight, they focus on the negative parts of the conflict and miss the opportunities for what they agree on. When you seek opportunities for agreement and express yourself accordingly, you are showing that you see your spouse’s viewpoint as valid and that you care about them. An alliance in conflict, even minor, can fundamentally shift how couples fight.

Frequently Asked Questions About Couples Therapy

The Gottman Method, which we use at DC Talk Therapy, has been shown to significantly improve relationship satisfaction and conflict management skills.

At DC Talk Therapy, most couples see significant improvements within 12-20 sessions, but this can vary based on your specific situation and goals. Some couples may need more time, while others might achieve their objectives in fewer sessions. We will work with you to determine the best course of treatment for your unique needs and regularly assess your progress.

Your first session will involve discussing your relationship history, current challenges and therapy goals. Ms. Peery will explain her approach and answer any questions you may have. This initial meeting helps us understand your situation and allows you to get comfortable with our therapy process. We aim to create a welcoming and non-judgmental environment from the very first interaction.

Not at all. In fact, seeking couples therapy is often a sign that both partners are committed to improving their relationship. Many couples use therapy as a tool to strengthen their bond, improve communication, and work through challenges before they become insurmountable.

While couples therapy is generally beneficial, it can sometimes be challenging. It may bring up difficult emotions or require you to confront uncomfortable truths. However, these challenges are often necessary for growth and improvement in the relationship.

Therapists specializing in Couples Counseling

Yvany Peery

LICSW